Bear with me.. I am STILL frickin mad about something that happened over 3 years ago..
It was crazy, it was painful, it was fun, it was a learning experience.. Yes, i still read the updates of love and happiness and it pisses me off.. i want to respond 'Murderer' then what.. i don't want it back, that wasn't for me.. i just want comfort, i want my feet rubbed, i want.....
What i need to know is how to get past it?? I mean life goes on for most people. How can I be like that.. stop caring, change who i am, re-create myself..
The background:
This nice looking guy and I are at the red light this morning.. today... this morning...
Him: Hey...
Me: (Turning to look, hoping he doesn't want directions)
Him: Damn! (He looks at the light) we don't have much time..
Me: (I smile, thinking here we go!)
Him: Damn What a beautiful smile
Me: Thanks... (smiling bigger, think Chris Rock)
Him: We don't have much time, the light is going to turn.. do you think we can pull into the Shell parking lot so we can exchange numbers.
Me: I'm sorry, i don't think so.. but thanks for the compliment.
Him: (sad face) really? umm..ok.. you sure..
Me: (what the eff is wrong with me) yeah.. but thanks.
There was no reason for me to do that.. i should have shouted my number out to him with a friggin bull horn. Advice... PLEASE!!
6 comments:
You have a problem.....
Yeah what he said... something wrong here. You say you want attention, you get the attention and then run from it... Something real wrong...
i dont know. though i wonder if your shyness is a defense mechanism against aggressive/confident advances. I wonder if you want to be the dominant one and so you decline overt advances..
that doesnt make sense though otherwise you'd have asked his number..
i personally would disagree with you'r previous commentors, there's nothing wrong with a slight tensing of the abdomen, adrenaline dump inciting sympathetic nervous response. like stagefright. you know you want the limelight but everyone gets the jitters before their first line.
practice saying yes.
this whole 'just say no' and 'dont talk to strangers' crap our parents fed us is for kids. so reach into the back of the top drawer, pull out your big girl panties (with the lacey ruffles around the top that stick out just enough to be notice by the observant but not so much their conspicuous) and start accepting the attention gracioulsy. and if you need a warm-up round just practice on the ugly guys; thats what we're here for.
I agree with the anonymous . I think you need to go out and take chances with guys and don’t have that sour look on be positive. You’re a good looking woman ( I shouldn’t say that though cause you are my superior ) Show that personality that you show when you’re out with us. You do that and by the end of July you’ll be in a relationship. A real one and not a buzzing one .
Nothing is wrong with you... The man of your dreams is out there and he is looking for you. When he comes you will know it's him and I want you to leave all that old baggage from your old relationship behind you and move forward.
Wrong!
Wrong wrong wrong.
(in my opinion)
Dreams don't just come true when you wipe the sleep out of your eyes. You have to get up early and attack without reservation, work hard and try and fail, regroup and attack again.
Think about it, great dinner-table stories are told after overcoming the obstacles, but until that point they are active failures that we dont want to discuss. It's the long list of failures which eventually (keyword) leads us to the success we dream of.
Has anyone ever just found a beautiful clay vase sitting in the sand? Or did they dig up mud and sift out detritis, let it dry the beat out the air bubbles before throwing it on a wheel. And even when you get something you think you can work with there's still the shaping and balance, whetting and scoring before you can even think about glazing and firing the piece so it can be of some use in the kitchen (if even to hold flowers and look good).
The man of your dreams isnt out there somewhere waiting to be discovered. He's a nebulous blotch of earth indistinguishably polluted with litter and sand. Just choose your digsite carefully..
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